Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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