I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
FUCK WHALES
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
