We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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