He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
