If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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