A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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