I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
