carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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