Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
