Just fell off a train. Bad.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
