i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
