So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
