Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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