He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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