You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
