Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
