Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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