It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
