Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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