i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
