chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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