Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
