I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
