he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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