That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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