Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
