and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
only you would photoshop your dick
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
