So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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