I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
