so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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