Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
