This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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