Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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