I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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