i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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