everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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