so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
