Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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