I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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