oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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