I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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