grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
