He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
