i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are the jesus of drinking
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
