The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
