just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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