How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
