White coat. Heels.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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