I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
