life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
