i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
