No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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