My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
