I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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