The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
