do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
