It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
