would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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