Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
