Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
