Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
