then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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