So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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