He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
