Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My pussy is not your playground.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
