Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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