update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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