dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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