New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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