Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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