Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
