You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
