One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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